Being Real

A month after we moved into this house Donny lost his job. Thankfully, he was hired with another company soon after and a month later started a new job. Although, with this job he had to take a big pay cut. That put us in a situation where we were just barley getting by. Until about five months ago when the quads fell out of medicaid, and we lost all the supplemental income we were getting for the kids. That was keeping us afloat. Raising five kids is not cheap. We had recently gone through Dave Ramsey's Money Makeover which we learned so much from. Anything that was an extra expense was eliminated and we were down to the bare bones of what we needed to live. God made it really clear to Donny and I that we needed to sale our house. If not having money to buy groceries to feed our kids was not already enough. In June we put our house on the market. We have had almost a dozen 2nd showings, but no offers yet. Every month that goes by that we don't sale the house the worse off we become. When we do sale the house, we don't know where we are going to live. That's another part of trusting God to provide for us and show us the way, when he is ready. There's been many of times I have wished that I could see in the future--it sure would help at times; however we don't know what tomorrow holds--but I DO know WHO holds tomorrow...and I know He will hold our hands throughout the good and the bad.

Storms are hardly fun, the rain can most defiantly get overbearing, the heartache will continue…but the journey WILL come to an end…somehow, someway—with God we will get through this. Every day is a new one, not all will be good…but not all will be bad! God saw something special inside us and he trusts us with this journey, so no matter how hard the days may get I trust that he will guide me through the storm and help me to dance in the rain! Have you ever realized that it takes some people a hardship to really rely on God the way that we should always rely on Him? I'll be the first to admit I am guilty. I was raised in a Christian home, I've believed in Him very early in life...however I never let him guide me the way I am now. I never fully understood what it meant to give 'all' your worries to God, maybe because I didn't have many...however-I trust in Him more so then ever before, I believe in him more so then ever before and I have faith and know that "With God ALL things ARE possible."

I do believe in miracles, I hear of them happening daily…so I do believe that if it’s God’s time something could happen before then, and that is what I am praying for. I am praying for a miracle from God. I say it all the time, but he has a special plan for us. I truly believe that, he will not put us through anything we can’t handle. So whats next....we will keep on praying and keep on going down this journey knowing that with God we will be ok :) "I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13" God doesn’t give us more than we can handle…at times I wish he didn’t trust me so much. I do trust him and I am trying my very hardest to lean on him throughout all of this. God has a plan; a special plan—a plan that only he knows…I have Faith; that’s all I can have…he is in charge of the rest.

Getting Lost In The Lord

Worship is a passion of mine. God, I believe, has placed it in all our hearts to be extraordinary worshipers. Worship is not always about the music...the song, the choir, the band, or the leaders. Worship is about turning our hearts to God letting Him transform us and lead us. It's about losing ourself in God and loving our God.

In the book "Extravagant Worship," Darlene Zshech speaks of worship in such true fashion. "Although music is a wonderful expression of worship, it is not itself the essence of it. The core of worship is when one's heart and soul, and all that is within, adores and connects with the Spirit of God." It is hard for me to remember that it is not always about the music, since I feel such an emotional connection to it. It's not about getting lost in the music, worship is about getting lost in the Lord.

Darlene Zshech goes on to say, Even if you are part of a worship team, your most glorious moments of worship would be off the platform when you are alone with God" Sure we are not all a part of a worship team, but what she is saying is true for all. As followers of Christ, we need to have some of most intimate moments with God, in worship, when we are alone with Him. We cannot forget our relationship with God and get caught up in a show we put on Sunday mornings. Worship is a lifestyle. It's a constant thing. It should never stop. "Worship involves the giving of ourselves totally to the Lord. Worship is a movement of our hearts, our thoughts, and our wills towards God's heart, thoughts, and will."

Dear Donny...

When I was a little girl, I played make believe. I pretended to cook and clean and to be a Mommy to my baby dolls. (I did not role play walking around Super Target with screaming kids, because there are some things that you must experience to truly appreciate). But in my naive mind, I imagined a man, a husband. He was brave, strong, tall and very handsome. And he loved me. It was a dream. And some might call this a silly fairy tale or the immature longings of a girl who loved romance. But I call it my life. Because you are the man of my dreams. You are the first to hold me when I am afraid. You are my encourager when I doubt myself. You are the one who made me a Mother of five. You are also the one who still leaves his clothes on the floor. Ok so this is getting a bit better...just moved from the floor to the chair. (Just keeping it real).

I am not a little girl anymore. I am a woman and you are a man. But I can't help but think of the things I didn't dream about....I didn't dream that I would hear my husband praying over me as I laid in a hospital bed in ICU fighting for my life. . I didn't dream that my man would be a Chicken Fried Steak fairy, delivering me my favorite food while I lay in bed rest pregnant with quadruplets. I didn't dream that my husband would be the kind of father that blow dries his girls’ hair at night. I didn't dream that my man would face sudden job loss and show me what true confidence in God to provide looks like.

Today you turn 30 years old. And more than anything, I want you to know that I love you more than I ever dreamed. You are a man among men. You stand out as you lead our family. You are my heart, my life, my best friend, and my soul mate. Happy Birthday, Donny! I am so proud of you. Thank you for making my dreams come true.

I love you, I’m in love with you, and I choose to LOVE you forever!

In The Midst Of It

Here again, we are faced with another fire. Thankfully it has nothing to do with any health issues. This time it is financial. Donny was let go from his job Friday, due to downsizing throughout the company, and economic hard times facing the company as a whole. Here I thought he was getting out to talk to his buddies from work and enjoy the company Christmas party and having a nice day and then he returns with this news…boy was I wrong. Being a man of much sarcasm and a love of joking around, I did not know he was being serious when he first shared with me this news. After a few minutes of him repeating it, I realized this was far from a joke. Of course I was speechless, and emotional and upset. To go from everything being great for 7 years and then losing the only career he has ever had…all we have known…where do you go? What do you do? Unfortunately, they did not take our five children in consideration when choosing to let my husband go from his job. Don’t they know we have five little mouths to feed.? Our Christmas has taken a sudden twist, and wont be what we had originally planned. But we will still do everything possible to make Christmas day fun for the kids, and make them feel special. We don’t want the kids to feel our worry or problems, so we will do our best to make like everything is ok. Although, we do not know what the weeks and months to come have in store. All we can do now Is be in prayer for God’s direction, and provisions. We are waiting to see where God is going to take us and how is going to provide. We are scared and uncertain and feeling all kinds of emotions but we can only do so much and let God do the rest. Your prayers and job leads are most welcome and appreiciated.